Goodbye Online Dating!

loveGee, I thought I’d have so many funny dating stories to tell. I figured this online dating stuff would likely go on for several months. However, fate has interceded on my behalf and has sent someone along who is worthy of further examination. And so I bid farewell to the Dating Game. It was interesting and sometimes fun – and funny – while it lasted.

My new friend is half Italian, so of course this is a good thing. He’s nine years older than me and has seen his fair share of life and all of the crap that goes with it. He’s a “no bullshit” kinda guy, and I really like that. He’s also a hopeless romantic, and I really like that as well. He says what he means and he means what he says, and I really, really like that. Oh, and he thinks I’m just about the most awesome person God ever created. There’s no guessing how I feel about that.

He’s funny and he’s sweet and I’m looking forward to getting to know him better. We both cancelled our subscriptions to the dating service and are in 100% agreement about how to proceed with this relationship: full steam ahead! But with very carefully placed baby steps. If that makes any sense at all. I have found that the heart quite often makes no sense whatsoever. My brain isn’t too far behind my heart on this. My friends and family caution me to be careful and to guard my heart, but if I’m going to do that with everyone I meet, I might as well just stop trying to find that special someone and stay home.

I like to think that God had a hand in this (of course He did) – he swept away all of the flotsam and jetsam so that I could wade my way to the right one. It hurt at times, but all of those highs and lows with other men have taught me to recognize the real McCoy when it’s placed in front of me.

Yeah, I’m already smitten. So much for guarding the heart, right? Shields down, Mr. Sulu – it’s time to engage in some serious dialog now. Sure, I might get fired upon with my defenses down. That’s the risk when you lower those shields, but it’s also the only way to really connect.

Wish me luck as I pursue my dream!live life

Online Dating Scene Two

blessing and curseI’ve had a couple of weeks to get used to this online dating stuff now, and here are the things I’ve learned:

1. There are some creepy guys out there

2. There are some dorks out there

3. There are some lying bastards out there

Date #4: A lawyer (uh oh). “blah blah blah blah blah. ME. blah blah blah blah blah. ME. blah blah blah blah ME, MYSELF, and I.” He also had a fat belly.

Date #5: I went out with the teeth guy again. He’s actually a very nice guy. There’s no spark or chemistry – at least not from my end – but I wouldn’t mind having him as a friend. Oh no! She’s putting him in the Friend Zone! He called me earlier this week and I didn’t get back to him until yesterday. Left him a message and he hasn’t returned the call. Perhaps he’s moved on. Anyway we had a nice meal at a tiny Italian restaurant in Pacific Beach and then we walked down to the beach. He isn’t overly affectionate, so that’s good since it would creep me out if he touched me.

Date #6: And now we get to the CRASH AND BURN of this little lady. This guy had me wrapped around his little finger within minutes of meeting. I practically swooned when he took off his sunglasses and blinded me with his beautiful hazel eyes. Sigh. We talked and talked and talked and laughed and joked and teased and kidded and whatever, and 9.5 hours later, he finally headed home. And we were both commenting on how much chemistry we felt. What electricity! What fire! And then God created the Heaven and the Earth and it was good! And this little lady was smiling and so looking forward to spending more time with Mr. Wonderful.

But then this logical little lady suggested that we both hide our profiles and explore this strange new experience that we had, and maybe we should get to know each other better, because isn’t that what we’re on this online dating site for? And this little lady apparently caused that adorable guy some serious angst because, you see, he had already been dating another woman from the site, and he didn’t want to stop dating her. But this little lady wants to be exclusive because she can’t really see how one can date someone and really explore the potential of their relationship if that someone is also dating someone else, and is exploring the potential of THAT relationship at the same time. Am I right or am I right? Of course I’m right,

Plus, this other lady was also dating a bunch of other guys, and she even suggested that the wonderful man with the hazel eyes should penis enlargementdefinitely date lots of other women. What the hell was she thinking? She must be a slut.  But he still wanted to date this other woman, and that just doesn’t work for this little lady and the next thing you know he has stopped answering her texts and voice mails and emails, and now she’s feeling like a creepy stalker, but what the hell? He’d made a date with this little lady for Saturday and she wasn’t even sure if it was still on.

Finally the Amazing Guy With The Hazel Eyes gets back to her and he says (and I quote) “This past week has opened up some old wounds. I don’t think I would be very good company” vis a vis the upcoming date. And that’s the LAST thing this little lady heard from the one who inspired so much passion and wonderment and hope from her already damaged and frail little heart. She sent him a couple more texts and a heartfelt voice mail, but he had gone silent.

So she spent her two days off of work lamenting the bastardliness of that once-wonderful man-boy, who hasn’t gotten over his freaking divorce from five freaking years ago and feels so torn at such a logical and simple request and acted like he felt the same during their one single yet epic encounter but maybe he was just overly excited at meeting such an incredibly wonderful person as this little lady. She was just too much for him. He couldn’t take the intensity and passion or he might spontaneously combust. And she cried and she wept for the unfairness of it all, and she stopped smiling.

fuck itBut this little lady is a survivor and has been rebuffed by much better men than Mr. WAH WAH I FEEL TORN! from Spring Valley. So she’s getting back on the horse and is dusting the foul dirt of that bastard from her boots and moving on. The sun both rose and set on that relationship during one long Sunday afternoon. He doesn’t even know that he has just blown the best thing that could have ever happened to him: ME. What a butthead. I hope he’s happy with little Ms. MEDIOCRE SLUT.

Got another date lined up for Wednesday. Meeting for coffee. I sure hope he doesn’t have hazel eyes.

Adventures in Dating: Date #1

IMG_0507I joined, and have decided to keep a “Dating Journal” so I can remember all of the knuckleheads … er … I mean gentlemen, that I’m meeting through this service.

I uploaded a bunch of super flattering pictures of myself, wrote up a snappy profile bio, then went live online last week. I’ve been surprised at how many single men there are out there. I don’t know where they hang out, but it isn’t at my grocery store.

As I perused the pictures of all of these single men, one thought kept occurring to me: “Geez these guys are old!!” Then I remembered that I’m old, too. Crap. But that’s okay. We’re all looking for someone within about 10 years, either way, of our own age. Once in awhile a 35 year old manages to slip through my preferences filter. You can see who views your profile unless they’ve paid extra to be on 24-hour stealth mode. Which is kind of creepy in a stalking sort of way.

I’ve done a lot of email exchanges, which has been a great tool for ruling out the illiterate ones. i had one guy didnt have a good english skill. While reading his letter, I detected a definite accent, so I asked him where he was born and raised. France. The next guy who wrote like that was from Italy, and the last one to hit me up was from Greece. I obviously attract the international men of mystery types. The Italian guy hadn’t disclosed in his profile that he has a 10 year old kid. Or that he’s stationed in Afghanistan right now. I wrote and told him I didn’t want to raise any more kids. He wrote back and said “ok so we end this now.” I wrote back “Okay.” He wrote back “dont write me no more. i hate you more when you keep writing. stop now.” Um … okay.

So my first real face-to-face meet was with a very nice gentleman. He was quite handsome. We met in a public place and took a long walk. It was a pleasant meeting, but I’m not expecting him to call again. I don’t think he felt a spark. I felt a nice friendship spark, which is okay by me, because that’s where it has to start. Maybe some people are expecting to feel that “love at first sight” thing. Too bad for him if he doesn’t follow up, because I’m pretty fricking amazing. Oh well. La de dah, as Annie Hall would say.

My next meeting was right after work at Starbuck’s. This guy was very nice and super easy to talk to, but he had horrible teeth. When he smiled I could see that he was missing a few towards the back. He was interested and asked me loads of questions, rather than monopolizing the conversation about himself. I liked that, but I can’t get beyond the teeth. Plus he had a twitch in his eye. Yeah, I’m picky.

My third one was last night. He was 20 minutes late. I almost got up and left. This guy was attractive (he kind of looked like a bald Robert DeNiro), and his email exchanges with me cracked me up. He appeared to be a very funny fellow. In person, however, he held court over the conversation, telling me all about his two boats and his 4,000 square foot house and his dog and his hummingbird feeders and how he goes scuba diving and free diving and what the water is like and how he couldn’t stand it when his old girlfriend wouldn’t listen to him, and blah blah blah yaddah yaddah yaddah. He went on a tirade about the current administration and how we need a revolution and just need to shoot all of the liberals, and now I’m starting to feel a bit alarmed. And then he told me how his dog chewed up a shark jaw from a shark that he got while spear fishing, and how he beat that dog. But he sure does love that damned hound! He didn’t ask ONE SINGLE QUESTION about me the entire evening. Not one. Not even once. Buh bye baldy.

And now I’m getting a bunch of emails from these different fellas asking if we can meet up for coffee or something, and half of them look like the kind of guys that you see hunched over and shuffling around in the doctor’s office. How do I write back and say “No way in hell!” without it sounding mean? This website gives you all kinds of tips on how to catch their attention, and tips to avoid scams, but there’s nothing on here to help you let the poor blokes down easy. “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested. I mean, yes, I did join a dating website, but you just aren’t my type. I like men who still have a beating heart. Thanks anyway.” I don’t know … I gotta figure this part out still.

I don’t have any dates lined up right now. I’ll write again when I have a few more under my belt, so to speak.


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