I joined Match.com, and have decided to keep a “Dating Journal” so I can remember all of the knuckleheads … er … I mean gentlemen, that I’m meeting through this service.
I uploaded a bunch of super flattering pictures of myself, wrote up a snappy profile bio, then went live online last week. I’ve been surprised at how many single men there are out there. I don’t know where they hang out, but it isn’t at my grocery store.
As I perused the pictures of all of these single men, one thought kept occurring to me: “Geez these guys are old!!” Then I remembered that I’m old, too. Crap. But that’s okay. We’re all looking for someone within about 10 years, either way, of our own age. Once in awhile a 35 year old manages to slip through my preferences filter. You can see who views your profile unless they’ve paid extra to be on 24-hour stealth mode. Which is kind of creepy in a stalking sort of way.
I’ve done a lot of email exchanges, which has been a great tool for ruling out the illiterate ones. i had one guy didnt have a good english skill. While reading his letter, I detected a definite accent, so I asked him where he was born and raised. France. The next guy who wrote like that was from Italy, and the last one to hit me up was from Greece. I obviously attract the international men of mystery types. The Italian guy hadn’t disclosed in his profile that he has a 10 year old kid. Or that he’s stationed in Afghanistan right now. I wrote and told him I didn’t want to raise any more kids. He wrote back and said “ok so we end this now.” I wrote back “Okay.” He wrote back “dont write me no more. i hate you more when you keep writing. stop now.” Um … okay.
So my first real face-to-face meet was with a very nice gentleman. He was quite handsome. We met in a public place and took a long walk. It was a pleasant meeting, but I’m not expecting him to call again. I don’t think he felt a spark. I felt a nice friendship spark, which is okay by me, because that’s where it has to start. Maybe some people are expecting to feel that “love at first sight” thing. Too bad for him if he doesn’t follow up, because I’m pretty fricking amazing. Oh well. La de dah, as Annie Hall would say.
My next meeting was right after work at Starbuck’s. This guy was very nice and super easy to talk to, but he had horrible teeth. When he smiled I could see that he was missing a few towards the back. He was interested and asked me loads of questions, rather than monopolizing the conversation about himself. I liked that, but I can’t get beyond the teeth. Plus he had a twitch in his eye. Yeah, I’m picky.
My third one was last night. He was 20 minutes late. I almost got up and left. This guy was attractive (he kind of looked like a bald Robert DeNiro), and his email exchanges with me cracked me up. He appeared to be a very funny fellow. In person, however, he held court over the conversation, telling me all about his two boats and his 4,000 square foot house and his dog and his hummingbird feeders and how he goes scuba diving and free diving and what the water is like and how he couldn’t stand it when his old girlfriend wouldn’t listen to him, and blah blah blah yaddah yaddah yaddah. He went on a tirade about the current administration and how we need a revolution and just need to shoot all of the liberals, and now I’m starting to feel a bit alarmed. And then he told me how his dog chewed up a shark jaw from a shark that he got while spear fishing, and how he beat that dog. But he sure does love that damned hound! He didn’t ask ONE SINGLE QUESTION about me the entire evening. Not one. Not even once. Buh bye baldy.
And now I’m getting a bunch of emails from these different fellas asking if we can meet up for coffee or something, and half of them look like the kind of guys that you see hunched over and shuffling around in the doctor’s office. How do I write back and say “No way in hell!” without it sounding mean? This website gives you all kinds of tips on how to catch their attention, and tips to avoid scams, but there’s nothing on here to help you let the poor blokes down easy. “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested. I mean, yes, I did join a dating website, but you just aren’t my type. I like men who still have a beating heart. Thanks anyway.” I don’t know … I gotta figure this part out still.
I don’t have any dates lined up right now. I’ll write again when I have a few more under my belt, so to speak.