Wine Blogging the SOTUS…

… Because that’s the only way I can watch this fella.

I missed the first half hour. Hold on while I wipe the tears of regret from my eyes.

Okay, Obama is talking. Just a sec while I engage my “bullshit” translator.

7:03pm – John Kerry and John McCain sitting next to each other. John Kerry nodding at something “profound” Obama just said … or maybe nodding because he saw the camera pointed at him and he wants to look like he’s paying attention.

Biden is choking – I think he’s coughing up a hair plug ball. He keeps getting a drink of water. Maybe that’s vodka.

Ew! Patty Murray! BRB … gotta go puke.

7:04: Hey, People: stop clapping! Let the man finish his lie first! And stop standing up! You’re old – you’re going to break a hip!

Oh, God … Al Franken-stein. Oh, God … Eric Holder. Is it safe? Can I open my eyes again?

“Let us speak with one voice.” Translation: “Don’t bother speaking at all because we have no interest whatsoever in anything you have to say.” Second translation: “Anything WE say will be a lie.”

“If a bill comes across my desk with earmarks in it, I will veto it.” Uh huh … sure you will. Yawn. Shoulda thought of that these past two years, Mr. “I won’t have any lobbyists working in MY White House.”

7:06: “Starting this year, no one will be forbidden from serving the country they love because of who they love.” Let’s qualify that, just in case there are more nut bags enlisted like the Ft. Hood terrorist. And shouldn’t it be “whom” they love?

“Let’s have no illusions about what lies ahead.” Oh, trust me fella, I have NO illusions about what lies ahead of us.

“It’ll be harder because we will argue about everything.” You got THAT one right, dude. We’ll argue because you are always wrong about everything.

7:08: You’re right: I wouldn’t trade places with anyone else on earth. Except the Predator. He’s pretty awesome. I wouldn’t mind being him for a day.

Wow – he’s getting kinda animated now. Calm down Obama. They aren’t encouraged by your words – they’re excited because they know you’re almost done.

Re: Boehner: “… began by sweeping his dad’s bar.” POTUS has NO idea what that is all about. He had to ask his speech writer what “sweeping” was.

Ah yes: new kind of drilling technology… did Brandon invent this as ordered by the government? No? You mean he was an individual exercising his God-given right to pursue his own interests? Hmmm…

7:11: Boy, his speech writers have gone all out, trying to make this guy look like he knows us and is one of us. Still rings jarringly hollow to me.

Yaddah, yaddah. You’re right: there is absolutely nothing he can say that I will buy.

“Thank you! God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America!” Oh, finally! Words I understand!

Oh, no … my wine glass is empty. Time for a refill.

Okay, switched to Fox News because I want to hear real words spoken by the pundits. Charles Krauthammer is giving his analysis. Aha, so Obama calls spending “investment.” I missed that part. Hmmm … Krauthammer doesn’t think it was a very good speech.

Now the O is signing autographs. Hey, when his approval ratings were down in the gutter, shouldn’t we have called him “Lowbama?”

“We do big things.” One of the O’s phrases. I wonder if he chokes when he has to say this stuff?

Bottom line: He said what people wanted to hear. Tomorrow he’ll go back to doing what he does. Back to reality now.

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